The Future of Love

March 19, 2013

The future of love

I have been a participant in the Evolutionary Collective for the past year. It’s an experimental gathering of people committed to bringing about A New Paradigm for a Higher Order of Human Relatedness. It is lead by Jeff Carreira and Patricia Albere, and since this blog is about love, I had to write about it here. The Evolutionary Collective is all about Love, with a capital L.

A paradigm is the proverbial box, we usually cannot think outside of, a set of glasses through which we look at absolutely everything. An example of a paradigm shift is Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, a break with all common thought that busted the foundations of physics…

Yesterday I came back from our fourth weekend meeting and only when I woke up this morning and felt everyone still inside of me did I realize, how far out of the normal paradigm we had travelled together.

One of our practices was a tri-logue in which we closed our eyes and allowed ourselves to lean deeply into our own emerging vision of what a new paradigm for relationship would be. Together we described what we found there:

We immediately saw a world in which the fixed contours of our selves had dissolved and instead of thinking of ourselves as bodies, personalities or roles we experienced ourselves as fields of energy, more like mists or clouds of pixels that moved with and through each other in a ceaseless dance. Nothing is fixed in them or all too differentiated, though distinctions are crystal clear. In an unbroken creativity, new possibilities are born moment after moment. Together we saw and described how these fields can envelop and absorb any problem, resistance or doubt and integrate them into their energetic structure (“love them to death,” one of us said).  The kind of technologies this world will be using are very quiet, not distracting from the focus and the pleasure of total connectivity and the resulting fearless and boundless energy and creativity. Instead of viewing our relationships and other people as objects, we live as them, live in the recognition that they are who we are and that without them, we would not exist. We are utterly conscious of the power each of our decision has to influence the dance of the fields and the free flow of energy.

These dancing mists are still alive in me today and are suppressing the habit of re-habituating the usual consciousness of separation and limitation. Even if it sounds crazy, I have no doubt about our vision.

What do you think is the future of love?

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A couple of weeks ago I attended a retreat on Evolutionary Enlightenment with Andrew Cohen. A woman raised the topic of women’s liberation. She described, how many of us women are still concerned, first and foremost, with finding a – or the right kind of – man.

Andrew was impressed with her honesty and asked her, why that would be the case. “Do men make you that happy?” he asked. Every woman in the room burst into laughter, proof for how deeply we know that this is not the case.

Why do we live in such a contradiction?

The longing for and the desire for a man emerges from parts of ourselves buried deep within our biology and the history of our gender.

For one, and this is nothing new, the survival of our species depended on us being drawn to men, and them to us. In fact, this is, dare I say it, the prime reason we are drawn to each other, whether we intend to produce babies or not.

And related to that is the fact that for thousands of years, men acted as guarantors for the physical survival and security for women –even if they enslaved, abused or traded them, their power meant they were the source of any protection and safety.

It is sobering –to put it mildly – but also clarifying to look at these roots of our longing and ask the question anew: why are we still spending so much time and energy attracting Mr. Right, while knowing perfectly well, that our needs have changed and that we will not find lasting, profound happiness in any sexual relationship or romance?  (That does not mean that they cannot be beautiful or significant, but the fundamental approach to them would be different.) The current conclusion is that men should adapt to our changing needs – but does that make sense? Is that fair? And even possible?

I think it is a lot more exciting to look at exactly what it is at this point in our history and development that truly gives us fulfillment. In my experience this has to do with a higher creativity, self-realization in the biggest sense and deeper spiritual development – none of which men have the power to bestow upon us in the context of a sexual relationship. What is possible though is that our independence in these matters enables us to meet and come together in new, more satisfying and deeper ways.

Then our lives do no longer run contrary to our intelligence.